Serious Studies

Glossary of the New Economics

Adam Smith

Debt: What you buy things with.

Cash: Employed to buy debt.

Profit: What's left after Generally Accepted Accounting Principles takes the rest.

Revenue: What you see in 120 days.

Interest: What they used to give along with the toaster.

Free Market: see Unregulated Market.

Unregulated Market: See Ponzi Scheme

Ponzi Scheme: The manipulation of markets by experts who use other people's money to get rich.


OIBIDA: Yet another acronym.

Cash Flow: The actual amount of money an enterprise has on hand. Generally disregarded by Wall Street analysts in favor of Earnings Per Share (EPS).

EPS: Cash that is left after the business does anything worthwhile. The figure is distorted by all sorts of one-time expenses, accounting tropes, write-downs, restructuring charges and other non-cash items.

Capitalism: The manipulation of markets by experts who use other people's money to get rich.

Now come on, you guys. It's your turn. Got any terms you'd care to offer?

44 Comments Add Comment

IRR: how much money an investment can make if the free market doesn't blow up


see above: capitalism and ponzi scheme.

Mission Accomplished: The United States is about to go another trillion dollars in debt fighting a war that has no end.

201K: What your 401K used to look like in early 2008.

Unfunded Liability = virtually every human and animal that depends upon my meager income for support.

Retirement Financial Strategy = Working until the sweet release of death.

Socialism...starting to sound like a pretty damn good idea.

Democracy = The right to vote for one's own dictator.


Federal Accountants Seeking Bullsh*t - arms' length auditing for a change

Stock Certificates, AKA expensive toilet paper.

Bonds: has the same long term potential as a stock certificate, but less wiping power.

Power lunch: the same group of losers trying to impress each other
that they are doing well and have a plan that works.

Crapitalism is Capitalism with a dash of TARP added for flavor.

Quantitative easing: A way to devalue your money relative to the US dollar so you can sell them things they need.

Junk: could be used to describe any piece of paper originating from wall street.

Taxpayer AKA average sucker, a person that is easly lied to by politicians and will take on huge debts without a whimper.

National debt: a chicken that nobody wants to see come home.

Profit: something like a unicorn, everybody talks about it, but very few people have ever seen it.

American made Car: a future exhibit at the Smithsonian, look for it next to the buggy whip display.

Investment Banker: a loser with govt. backing.

Stock market: a place where sheep are sheared.

Successful Business model: an attractive lady usually portayed as leaning against a lamp post.

Has anyone ever seen a "Brink's" truck follow the hearse in a funeral procession?

I don't think so?

Famous last words: "You can't take it with you when you die".

Job Security: (1) previously an American term, now transferred to India; (2) something CEOs ensure they have by removing it from their employees

US Government = Goldman Sachs

Foreclosure: Beginning phases of government backed renegotiation over the original purchase price of your house.

ROI: Return OF Investment. Lately, this has become more important than return on investment.

Safe Investment: That money in the coffee can under the back porch.

Socialism - The process by which charitable giving (minus governmental overhead)is stripped of good will and becomes a "tax", while the receipt of charity is converted to entitlement.

Bailout Funds = Retention Bonuses for Executives Not Certain to be Retained

lol @ 401(k)o'd

50% reduction: action that involves increasing something by 100%, then gradually bringing it back to it's pre-increase level over the next five years. See federal budget for example.

Socialism: economic theory that is analogous to dress pants that don't have pleats. Every generation embraces it for a while, despite clear evidence that it's a bad idea.


As you can see, there's quite a bit of pent up anger out here. We've been taken to the cleaners, they've lost our shirt, and we still have to pay the bill.

We appreciate the cathartic opportunity you provide.

ROI - a ratio often used to justify what you want to do anyway. It is based on half-baked guesses of income against overly optimistic expectations of expenses to product a number which will be disregarded unless it supports the decision previously made. Baseball tickets are an acceptable substitute.

Taxes: once defined as the price of civilization, now defined as the inheritance we leave our progeny.

I think Jack is on to something. Your 'Successful Business model' may be the only money maker in the bunch.

GOLDFINGER: What CEOs give the few employees that are left of the companies they have destroyed as they leave with their millions of Golden Handshake dollars for job well done of ruining said company.

Adam Smith (see portrait above): Moral philosopher, once considered the father of modern economics, now just another dead white guy spinning in his grave.

Hey Bing, Mike and Jack are giving you a run for your money. I am trying to think of one for the bank shell game where we gave money to all the big banks to disguise the ones that actually needed it. Does anyone know how much we will get back from these solvent banks? Am I mistaken? If this is true, then our loans were much less then we were told and that was why things just didn't add up and Obama appeared to favor the bankers?

Well, back to watching my town burn, again. Thanks to all for the laugh.

IRS (or Federal Government)- Only rapidly growing large organization when GDP, Corporate Profits, Real Income, Jobs, and the economy in general tanks. Alternate Definition-IRS is an organization with a sole mission to transfer wealth from one group of people to another. During this transfer huge amounts of wasteful government spending on Pork Projects will ensure that the US Debt and Deficit will increase forever.

Secured Capital: My wallet protected by me, Smith & Wesson.

EBIDTA: Earnings before interest, depreciation, taxes and amortization

EBIDTO: Earnings before intimidation, death threats, and Obama

ABCM: Asset Backed Commercial Paper
ABCM: Alibi Backed Currency Printing

P/E ratio: the ratio of a company's Publicity to its Extortion value

FICO score: the result of a formula which compares Federal Intimidation quotient to Confiscation Opportunity value

LIBOL: Leftovers Ingested By Organized Labor; a measure of failure applied to the US car, airline, steel, mining and construction industries; as well as to its education system; its municipal, county and state governments; and its heath care system; it identifies the only common factor in all these failures as organized labor.

Equitable adjustment- when the "invisible hand(s)" of the neo-economic environment are smartly struck from the offending arm(s) by the visible hand(s) of neo-economic regulation...then maybe Mr. Smith could rest in peace...

Jack, good post!

Money Multiplier: Obama's Economic Policy

Inflation: modern day government's inverse tax policy

Government: a collection of overpaid 'experts' investigating the BCS and steroid scandals

Bing: term used to describe 'charitable' actions.

We bad rap inferior products from China and other countries etc..

We bad rap American manufacturing quality and the exporting of those poor quality jobs.

Those of us who believe in the fairy godmother must wake up sometime; and when we do, we must blame directly those who dreamed that bullshit up--our education system.

"Romper Room", "Howdy Doody", "E.T", "Walt Disney, and "Harry Potter" incorporated with "Dr. Spock" do nothing more than debase the minds of adventurous young minds. Throw pornography in there, too.

In the modern world, we have the I-phone, I-pod, and the promise of more to come. In the undeveloped world, we have armed teenagers that are taught by their mentors terror, piracy, and hate---how would they figure into scouting, for instance?

If I'm wrong, let me know! How else did these golden parachutes and handshakes come into being? Probably by an underserved "Sheepskin"?

In the developing world, it's an honor to carry a gun openly and hate; in the modern world guns are as concealed as their bearer's teachings.

Well Bob...I would hope that those who teach hate collapse under that banner...we here on Earth cannot hate, as the consequences are not optimal...hate begats just that...

I was a Boy Scout and brought up with TV...

Education is key for everybody...

Robbie, We're all born with emotions: love, hate, jealousy, anger, fear, guilt, hostility, and resentment.

When our mentors fail to dispense good judgement to young adventurous and open minds in their teachings, conflicts can begin.

Teachings we get in our formative years are just about carved in stone; that goes for "devils" and "angels".

I may be alone; but, the growing intensity of today's conflicts is very disturbing.

Devils and angels were not born that way; they were simply conditioned by circumstances to behave that way.

CDO--Crap Doled Out to gullible investors.

CDS--Crap insurance Doled to Suckers

Rating Agency--snake oil salesmen

Free Market - A marketplace where the only thing free is the ability of manipulators to exploit those with less influence and power. See also "level-playing field".

Whiners: describes the rantings of most of the people commenting here lately who believe they are entitled to a market which always goes up and that have failed to learn the simple fact that only three things can happen when you invest/trade. You win, you lose, or you breakeven. The posters here lament the greed of bankers, wall street, and CEOs but never once have they looked in the mirror. Your own greed was your downfall. You invested your money in an activity where clearly 90% of the people eventually lose all their money. What possible positive expectation could you have had to figure you would be in the 10% that are consistently profitable? Well, it couldn't have been you did any research, had a plan, and used risk management or you might still be in the game. You went all in with your own brand of greed and got exactly what you deserved. Like anything else in life, it takes an incredible amount of hard work to be a successful investor and/or trader. I will venture a guess that most of you never took the time to really learn the markets you were in, learn about risk and risk management, or formulated a plan for your investing/trading. Anyway, you got caught on the wrong side of down market. Deal with it. Quit crying about it, dust yourself off, learn from it, and next time have a contigency plan for any of the three possible outcomes of market price behavior and act accordingly to protect yourself. You are not entitled to profits from the markets and I know it's a shock but you must earn them through your own efforts not the efforts of others.

Timmay, if you read the posts carefully you will find that most are not complaining about winning,losing, or breaking even; they are complaining about the fourth outcome you forgot to mention.

Picking up the TAB for other peoples stupidity.

That's the point that sticks in everybody's craw.

Winning. losing or breaking even, we all understand that senario and we all accept it as a fact of life/part of the investment game.

People are mainly complaining about the fourth outcome.

Being on the hook for other peoples losses.

And while you're at it; make sure you clean up the dust from the crystal ball so you can see far and clear into the future of the now.
Everyone is a capitalist - even the bugs.

Jack very true but the same people complaining about being on the hook voted for those that are putting us on the hook.

Jack very true but the same people complaining about being on the hook voted for those that are putting us on the hook.

Posted By INH, NJ :

Cannot argue that point; however you will notice that the nasty cure is being implimented by both parties, with very little opposition, other than a token objection.

Bottom line: It's a mess that transends political and national boundaries. Every taxpayer everywhere is paying for this fiasco.
People who aren't born yet will be paying for this.

FHA - Free House Authorities - AKA the bums who live at my house who are not minors or my children but don't contribute while consuming all things.

FASB - Free and simple balance - Refer to the FHA and then add cash into the statement, not earned but withdrawn on a regular basis.

BUM - Behind under move. The motion said freeloader makes when actually truely being called out for what he or she really is. The head tries to go behind or under or move to something when the confrontation occurs about poor economic condition(s) centralized to the one who causes the FHA FASB BUM syndrome. Next GAAP however I don't think I can write this one out fully....the censor will block the comment....