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Dusty iPod

Scott from Washington, D.C. weighs in with a brilliant idea. "Bing," he writes, commenting on my churlish refusal to spend my time engaging in social networking, "could I score one of those iPods uselessly gathering dust? Neighborhood kids stole mine." Scott is referring  to my offhand mention in that post of extra elderly IPods cluttering up my personal space.

Great concept, Scott! But why should YOU get it when there are so many people out there who are iPodless for one reason or another? Sure, I could pop my old first-gen 20 gig iPod into a padded envelope and send it out to Scott right now. But what fun would that be for anybody but Scott? Why not make a contest out of it?

So that's what we're going to do. If any of you now reading this can think of a single reason I should send you my old but perfectly functional iPod, please leave a comment here. I will judge the most convincing, outrageous or demented one, and indeed award its author the discrete object of his or her desire. Scott's reason is that neighborhood kids stole his. That's compelling. Perhaps you can do even better. We'll never know until you try.

Send in your supplications. They should make for tasty reading. And if nobody answers I'll just keep the ancient but still highly efficient relic for myself. Either way, I win. That's my kind of game, ladies and gentlemen.  

164 Comments Add Comment

Mr. Bing,

I hereby appeal to your compassionate heart and request that you send me one of your old ipods. My kitchen table has very annoying wobble in it due to the uneveness of my kitchen floor. Since I don't have an expense account so that I can eat $25 breakfasts at the local bistro (or $5 breakfasts at the waffle house), I have to use this table every morning. This causes me great distress as I try to eat my eggs. The constant tipping back and forth results in my missing the target with my fork and slopping egg on my shirt as often as not. If I had an old i-pod, I could use it to shim one of the legs of my table to get rid of the wobble which would greatly reduce my embarassment at having old egg on my shirt all day.

On second thought, since I'm not entirely sure which generation of ipod will correctly solve my wobble problem, please send me three or four so that I can have a several thicknesses to choose from.

Thank you for your consideration.

I may appear to be a reader of your column, but in reality, Bing, I am a zygrblxx07 from Meltazz sent to monitor your actions in corporate America. I was cleverly disguised as the salesperson who knew your penchant for gadgetry and put the iPod in your hands for the purpose of eavesdropping and examining your habits, while keeping you entertained.

I'm happy to say that you have passed our tests well, and we have funneled your case to the higher authorities on ghryffl84m5x, who have now been monitoring you on your spiffy new iPhone. Apple has been perfect for us, providing these cool designs that people will just buy up! They're eating out of our may now return the old monitoring device to me.

Ahh, just kidding. I'm really a mad scientist who needs to hook this baby up to a telephone and the kitchen stove to hack into my neighbor's DirectTV.

Because I'm not Scott.

Sounds like a win - win for you, not bad. I don't need a iPOD, but I'm sure someone "NEEDS" one - someplace in the world. Good Luck

I actually have a puppy that i bought for my wife last year and i decided to come out of the stone age and buy just a small Ipod with no screen. Well needless to say that the wonderful gift i bought my wife woul bite the hand that feeds it by chewing all of my things up including the new purchase of my Ipod. Now I am back at the creating the wheel stage. Can you help me. I deserve it.

I deserve the ipod, because I sit outside the men's room all day at work and the majority of the dudes in my office refuse to address their stomachs' cry for help to change their dietary habits.

I'm sitting here in Irag looking at some of my Soldiers who don't have an Ipod and think to myself. How many Soldiers don't have one. I have 10 Soldiers that work for me and only 4 have one. Mainly due to the cost. Most of my Soldiers are junior enlisted. Privates and they don't make a lot of money. So, I guess I could enter any one of their 6 names and they would be extremely grateful and deserving.

MSG Steven Rutland, Baghdad, Iraq

I'll ensure that it gets preserved and passed on to future generations to prove to people in 2050 that listening to music, as it will be known then, is not that different what we know now. Have you looked at a transitor radio recently? Your iPod has a similar look about it. Besides, I'll probably never buy an iPhone.

Alas, but I am NOT the person to whom you should send the iPod.

I have one -- almost as old as yours!

You see, it still does exactly what I bought it for: it plays music and stores files for me. Yeah, it's old, but it still sounds good and still stores the same number of files as ever. The new ones are Shiny Happy Bright, but I've managed to keep my wallet closed (and my investments just that much healthier!).

I have always wanted an ipod, but because of financial responsabilities I never found the discretionary income to purchase one for myself. Then, several months ago my wife bought me a brand new shuffle for my birthday. After a workout I left the ipod in my workout shorts and it went through the wash. Needless to say, it no longer works. I would love to have an ipod back in my possesion again. Thanks for the opportunity.


Bing, does this mean I have to tell you my same sob story twice? Or can I just throw in a, "what I said yesterday"?

Two reasons I should get the iPod...
I'm the first to post a comment, and I have dust in my house that would love to gather on the 1st gen iPod!

I absolutely do not need an ipod.
I am interested to see if I win.
I am sure my odds here are greater than with a normal lottery

Not sure if my reason would be "worthy" but I figure I could give you some good reading any way.

It might be hard to believe but I'm 25 years old working for one of the larger banking firms in the US and I have still yet to catch up with the times. I have never taken the time to really read up on iPods, always thought they were a big too "flashy." I recently took a trip to NY - as is required with my work. I noticed that EVEYONE (from the 13 year old kid on the subway to the 40-something year old waiting for a cab in front of my) had one of these things. I thought maybe it was time I get on board and get myself one. But as always I decided it wasn't the time (I was actually on my way to a Yankee game and didn't want to stop at that point).

So here I am, the only person in the world who has not had one of those fun gagits.

So if you'd like to find a home for your old one, I'd be willing to step into the year 2007. It's age and "specs" really mean nothing to me. Hey, its better than the walkman I have, right?

Either way, I enjoy reading your articles and look forward to next weeks addition.

Not sure how contact information is stored, but I can be reached at [email address deleted] ... drop me a line, let me know what a loser I am - lol

Thank you for your consideration in opening this contest to your minion.

First, I must applaud your status in our lives. There never was a time in our nation's history more aptly suited to your leadership acumen.

Second, given the proliferation of wannabees in the swamp of proleptic mid-level "leaders", it is astute to turn on, tune in, and drop out. Beethoven to Metallica, Sinatra to Nascimento - we'll have it all!

Third, as you see the...

Oh hell, just send me the iPod, 'k? Winter is coming and I'm inside for months!

Bing, I beleive I should receive youy IPod. My children and my wife have at least one mp3 player and yet I have none. Granted I havent had a desire for another gadget but I was thinking of one for Christmas this year. What better present than an IPod from you. This is also the first time I have "commented" on a blog.

Why give away your old ipod when you can invest it?

If you invest your ipod with me I will split the profits 50/50 in the event a buyer offers $1,000,000 or more for the device. In the meantime my only fee is the use of your ipod until such time.

Good Day Mr Bing,

The reason i should get the ipod is very simple. I don't have one and my computer at home does not have internet connections so i cannot get itunes to load songs onto an ipod. Also please do not remove your songs in this way i will have an ipod already with songs on it.

Thank you

Roland M


You should send me your old iPod because, unlike others, I would show it off and appreciate it for the antique it really is. When someone is trying to 'keep up with the jones' and drives up with their brand new Jag or Porche, what REALLY shuts them up fast, hmm? That's when someone 'out-joneses' them with a beautiful OLD Model-T, T-Bird, or '52 Chevy.

Bing, I want your old iPod so I can shut up the people showing off their iPhones with, "Oh.... Does your's hold as much music as mine?" or even better.... "Will yours LAST as long as mine?".

because im first on the list

I think you should send me an ipod because I have never had one. Plus, I'm all the way up in Canada.

If you give me your old iPod, I will let it collect dust on my shelf for many years to come.

Here is my address in the bewildering case that I win. Please don't publish it:

[email address deleted]

Ok, the truth is that I'm a guardian ad litem for this 15 year-old girl to whom I promised my old iPod mini when I upgraded. Then the battery went bad and I tried to fix it myself, which culminated in a fully broken mini, which I tried to save by buying a mini case on ebay, and then broke that one the exact same way.

Since then I have myself come into another, well-used, iPod by doing a favor for my brother and the 15 year-old is heartbroken. More, she doesn't trust me like she used to do.

So, I'd give it to her. Please?

So I can sell it eBay and send you the proceeds.

Sending me the I-pod is in your best interest.

I have never owned one but would like to; however, all of my discretionary money goes towards grad school.

Once I reach the pinnacle of this corporate ladder that I'm on, I'd be a good person to know. So one day, when you need a favor or need to make a connection, you can call me up and say, "Remeber that time I sent you my I-pod...." discretionary

As an archaeologist, I will one day uncover a midden of nothing but obsolete computer devices. This midden (archaeo-speak for trash pile) will follow the laws of superposition - the oldest materials will be on the bottom. Scrapped but still functional TRS-80s will be uncovered at the lowest levels, capped ever so slightly by various models of Commodores, Atari, Activision, and other early gaming systems. A few Apples will be sprinkled amongst the carcasses of IBM cases. The most modern layers will consist of the discarded peripheral devices that had such a short use-life. These would include ZIP drives, of course, but also minidisc recorders, peripherals like card scanners and card readers. The personal electronic devices will be yet another layer.
I will require firsthand experience with an IPod in order to have the ability to identify these objects in the archaeological record. Just think of your donation of your slightly used but functional IPod to this IPodless, godless archaeologist as Your Contribution To Science.

Becasue I will never buy one on my own!!!!

I'm a disabled vietnam vet who can't afford such luxuaries. I know this may sound lame but disabled war vet are on a fixed income.

By sending me your iPod, you'll save the marital strife I would otherwise face in purchasing a new, flashy iPod Touch. The Mrs. isn't keen on dropping four c-notes on such a miniscule device. Up to this point I've avoided the iPod cult, but the sirens, they call.

I was on my way to my mom's carrying a new presciption for her heartmedication. I had my boom box on my shoulder. It was a hot day and that old boom box was really heavy. I stopped to rest, it was only for about five minutes. When I reached mom's building ther were four flights of stairs to climb. I put down the boom box and rested again, just for a minute or two, then I started to climb. When I reached mom's appartment she was sitting in the rocker very quiet. I thought she was sleeping so I went to rouse her. She had slipped away. As the ambulance crew was lifting her into the van I could only think that if I had hjad an iPOD and not that heavy dam boom box, I might have gotten ther in time to save mom.

My husband could use an ipod. He enjoys listening to books on tape/cd from the library after work. Since he is very farsighted (the last doctor we took him to said, "Wow! I've never seen someone as bad as you.), has an astigmatism and a lazy eye reading books or watching television after staring at a computer screen all day at work is too much strain. He's happy to check out the books on tape, but he's almost exhausted the selection at our small library and is starting to browse the "electronic catalog". Please help us get through this winter in the great white north - I don't think I can stand to read any more sci-fi to him.

I deserve it since I am the first to post a comment. Simple as that.

Bing...? Now that's a funny name. Your blog should be posted in the Nickelodion website, not here!

Oh,and stick that iPod up your nose, s'il vous plait.

Well, I think I should win your highly efficient old but perfectly functional relic Ipod because I am a NYC train traveler and each morning I am crowded by offensively smelly people-breathe or body- and without a reliable listening device, I am forced to concentrate on the odor or even listen to the school aged kids discuss teeny bopper school drama which makes me slightly jealous that they are in a stage of easy life while I am on my way to a more responsible setting. This is my story and I am definitely going to stick with it. Thank you for listening.

Cool Man, I need your IPOD because I never used an IPOD and on top of it is coming free why not take a try.

I hate Apple products, and I hate Apple customers even more. I always said I would not get an iPod even if it were for free. Would you like to test my will, integrity and resolve on this matter?

The hell with you and your worthless piece of iPod... First generation 20 gig?!?!? You would have to pay me to use that piece of junk...

I'd only use an IPod to put under my motorcycles kickstand because the ground is soft.

I think you should send me an IPod because I'm a cheap idiot. Not wanting to spend the money on an actual IPod, I bought a cheaper, refurbished MP3 player. It broke a month later. So I went out and bought another one, more highly recommended. It also broke. I still can't afford a regular IPod, but if I buy one more refurbished MP3 player, I'll have spent as much as I would have had I bought an IPod in the first place. It may not be the most demented story, but at least it's a true one.

Bing, do you know how tough it is to surf the net, read your advice, and generally F-off with the incessant sound of work going on around you? Or when you actually do have to do some work, you have the loudest, most shrill co-worker show up only to pester you until you go into seizures? It's really not about the cool factor with me, it more a matter of blocking out the static of other peoples lives so that I may get on with mine. Besides the IT folks are pissed at me for bringing in 15GB of music then opening my Hard Drive to the Network, and this would go a long way to getting me off of their "ignore" list.

I stole Scott's and the battery died.

I believe that you should send me your iPod because I am the first one to read your article:>

Send it to me to keep this software developer from becoming a complete luddite.


I told my wife I wanted an Ipod for our anniversary last year. Living under a rock for the past 5 years, she'd never heard of it or MP3s. I thought explaining that it was a little white box thing that stored lots of stuff was a fine way of describing one of these things... I guess not; she rented one of these:

because i like to make it more obvious to my boss that i'm not working. the little ones just aren't ballsy enough.

I believe I should be the proud owner of this "old but functional iPod", because I can stick those cute little earphones into my ears and not have to listen to my boss do "fat man breathing" (heavy opened mouthed breathing, with a hint of wheezing)sitting behind his desk, oh yea and I wont have to listen to him open cans of pop all day (up to 6/day for those who care) and guzzle it down with a satisfying burp afterwards. Not only will this tune out those noises - I will also not have to listen to the group of women who LOVE giving tips on how to get rid of their "muffin top". I do love my job - seriously.


As long as I am able to clear your selection of music out of it, sure send it off to me.

The reason that I belive should get the iPod is... get this... I was dumb enough to buy a Zune.... Wont connect to iTunes, no Podcast support... Yup me and like 3 other people have Zunes and no iPod...


I would like to have the iPod and surprise my wife with it. She would love to get one but with my 3-year ARM continuing to climb higher we are holding the line on purchases that are non-essential.

She has finally started to appreciate email and we need to move on to digital music!!

I have never owned an mp3 player!

Hey Bing, an American overseas for the time being. Man, I could sure use an iPod over here in London. And the good news is that since the hot technology takes awhile to cross the pond, your first-gen iPod will get a new lease on life as a cutting edge gizwonder. Cheers.

Well iPod Stupid Contest I would like one of your old iPods so I can listen to investing Podcasts during work on mind boggling boring project data input work and invest my way out of needing a job. Then maybe I can podcast how I did it on the Net.

Good luck to the winner and use the tool wisely especially as it will be a gift.

I'm a 40yr old technological idiot. I've seen I-pods but never owned one (or any other type) though I like my walkman that I purchased in 1982). If you would like to send one my way, great. Just be sure to include instructions!!!

I recently bought an ipod a few weeks ago. It was great for excersising with, and it's great because it fits right in your pocket. the bad part about that is that it's hard to tell it's there if your just throwing your clothes into the washing machine, then when the wash is finished asa you're throwing your clothes into the dryer you find a wire (what the hell is this?) with earbuds (oh no) connected to that ipod. yeah. that sucked.

I let Saddam Hussein borrow my ipod and haven't seen it since Iraq's weapons of mass destruction went missing. I am guessing they are together somewhere.

Well, neighborhodd kids didn't steal mine, as I never had one to be stolen. However, it would be great if you could ship one my way. My wife, a recent mother of twins, thinks an Ipod would greatly improve her workout routines as she strives to return to her pre-pregnancy self. Apparently an Ipod is better than any number of squats, crunches, and miles on the treadmill.

Not to mention I could also use it on the 50 minute bus/'L' commute to the loop in Chicago.


I need this because my boss' birthday is around the corner. I don't want to buy him a gift and I want to make him look like an ass at the same time.

He is ipod-less and doesn't know about the current models. If I give him this I will rebox it and he will think it is brand new. He will think he is king shi# with his "new ipod". He will parade around the office in grand fashion waving his "new ipod" around and saying "ipod" proudly to everyone. So no one blows my cover by needless snickering I will send an email for everyone to play along. He is the Michael Scott of my "Office." He will think it is great for along time.

Probably before he realizes the prank, another model will come out and I will be covered. He will never catch on and if he does he can never bitch about it. How can someone get an ipod and then bitch that it wasn't the one they wanted? This gift would be bitch-proof.

Give me the chance to say "I didn't want to get you anything for you, but I went out of my way to make you look like an ass." After all, in giving, it is the thought that counts.


Please send me your unused ipod. You can never have too many.

I have crashed...I have burned. The iPod should go to me as a consolation of my soon-to-be-forgotten dignity. As a business student, I see every peer/professor/living organism touting iPods around campus. But I, in a glorious stand against consumerism, would never be seen with one. So I have bravely suffered the chortles and sneers of my Ipodlessness. But I have broken...crashed...burned. I must have one. Sending me your iPod would be a way to say "It's ok,, console yourself with THIS iPod. At least you won't be out your dignity AND $300."

Dear Bing,

You should send me your Ipod because my employer does not allow us to stream music over the internet, and I need music to stay awake at my job.


I think you should send me your old ipod as a gift for my boyfriend. I have only recently gotten him online checking email and visiting youtube. An older ipod is just about his speed!

Save the environment and recycle and give your IPod to me.

I would like to have your Ipod because it’s a piece of technology history. I would have it placed it a time capsule and it would be treasured by the people of the future. As an added bonus I would describe how the Ipod had got there from “The Bling Blog.” Case in point the contest and the blog will live on forever!

Orlando FL

I keep hearing about "ipods" and want to see one for myself.. I am curious - is it like an atari?

Would continually play your iPod in the bathroom to distract the spacey girlfriend from noticing that home-grown smell.

My son (11 years old) wants ipod but I do not have enough money to buy one for him. I tried to buy regular MP3 for $40-50 but he just want ipod.

do the old ipods have pocket porn capabilities? if so, please give it to me. If they dont, please give it to me as i am willing to beat my dependancy of pocket porn so long as there are porncasts being broadcasted. Please advise

Top 10 reasons to send it to me
1. I am a great look man a we all know good looking people deserve the best things for free.
2. I am very funny.
3. I love music.
4. I love all ipods and would not discriminate no matter what it looks like.
5. I would tell all my friends about it and they would start reading your blog.
6. I have lots of friends…making #5 a great reason.
7. I am the first person to respond to this and should get the ipod for this reason alone.
8. I will be the President one day so getting on my good side is a bonus for you.
9. Even with white ear plugs I still can’t pull off my Sony Walkman.
10. Did I mention I am really really good looking?

Stanley...Here is why you should send me your iPod. I am a dad of two girls and a husband. Now if you were in my position you would understand...THE EYES...Meaning unless something has been given to me as a gift it doesn't really belong to me. (Gifts fall under a protected category known as "sentimental".) Now if I am in possession of something that either my wife or my two daughters see and desires all they have to do is give me "The Eyes". You know the ones that would make Palm re-instate the Foleo product or Steve Jobs volunteer to talk the SEC about backdated stock options. So please send me your iPod. You see my only chance at an iPod is to avoid "The Eyes". You are my only hope.

I hate iPods.

I've watched their popularity grow since their inception into the market, and I've loathed every pair of "trendy" white headphones I've seen since. You can go on and on about it's capacity and it's functionality, but I don't care. The whole product line is a gigantic waste of money and plastic. No amount of advertising featuring the silhouettes of hip-youngsters dancing, being energetic, and giving the illusion that the majority of iPod customers could, or would, do either of those will Ever sell me on the novelty of this contraption.

I can guarantee you that if you ship me this stereophonic filth, I will grab my trusty hammer, aka PodBuster, and smash this thing into a much more visually pleasing state. That being, in a million pieces. I will then take copious amounts of pictures of the surgical justice I wrought on the cultural abomination, and give them to you. If for no other reason than to make the poor fans shed a tear or three while I sit, content, burning the remains.

There are many reason I should get the Ipod but probably the most compelling one is that I am working on loosing 100lb for medical reasons and I am happy to say up to date I am 33% closer to that goal I was looking to purchase an Ipod but with a brand new mortgage and my wife expecting it is just not in my budget so please give your old Ipod to this biggest loser.

I have wanted an Ipod for about 2 years now but have been way to poor (and a cheap person even if i wasnt poor) to talk myself into buying the latest technological gadget (yes, I still view an ipod as a recent advanced piece of technology b/c it still does more than my 5yr old cell phone). The other day I was so excited b/c I found one near my driveway, tried to use it and couldnt figure it out. I was bound and determined to use it without asking anyone how, but sure enough the next time I tried my friend claimed it as hers and I never got the oppportunity. I have now made a vow that I need an Ipod just to say I know how to use it and am not in the category of completely inclined with technology and cant do something every 5yr old can do. The only problem is, their still too expensive for me to be able to spend the money on even with my vengance!!

cause i'm like way cool

I should get the Ipod because I am in need of a music device to listen to while i go running 2.5 miles a day 6 days a week.

My 7yr old nephew is smarter than I am until I get an Ipod and learn how to use it!!

Give Scott the frigging ipod!

Because I want to be the coolest uncle in the world, and nothing is cooler than free followed by ipod.

You should send an iPod to me because I live in Kansas and over 90% of the radio stations out here play only country music! Not that there's anything wrong with country, I just like rock-n-roll and there are only two stations that play the really good stuff and they're packed with commercials.

I would love to have, no, DESERVE to have the iPod because not only do I refuse to join a social networking website, but I also have refused to pay $X00 for a musical fashion statement when every place that I normally listen to music (home, shop, car) still plays CDs. BUT if I had a free iPod I could strap it to my arm when my dog and I go running like all the COOL runners do.

Ipod? What's an Ipod? is that a new restaurant like Ihop? does it serve like Peas in a pod.. thus Ipod? I think i deserve a good Ipod, since after all, i'm 53, work for a HUGE transportation company, have never owned one and have no idea how much i'm missing... i don't even have an Idea as to what all the I stuff is all about.. since when did it become all about "I" and not "We" is there a WePod? that would be so fantastic. Anyway, I just deserve an Ipod so i can see what I(ve) been mIssing. And could you please load it with Christmas music like "I(ll) be home for Christmas" and "All "I" want for Christmas is my new "Ipod"? thanks tons! A very happy middle aged guy.

I am moving soon but before I go I want to leave the future owner a gift.

I will take YOUR ipod. Fill it with something annoying, like "Hampster Dance" or "Dancing Queen" (exact song is open to negotiation) plug it in to AC power, attach external speakers, bury it inside a wall in my house, and leave it playing at a low enough volume that it's position wont be obvious yet it will still be heard. Here is the real kicker to the plan...I will put it on battery backup so that it will still be playing during power outages.

Because I wasn't cool enough to own one when the 1st Gen came out

It matches my rickety white exercise shirt.

I'm a little short on cash.

Because giving it to me would make me happier than a fat kid with a fistful of Twinkies. That's pretty happy...

How about since I'm the first to post? Because I read your blog everyday...I've read most of your books?
Nah - forget about me. I've got a better idea - how about taking a beautiful Autumn day walk in the city, right over to the Hospital, up the elevator to the Children's Cancer ward and handing it to some child who's parent's are doing everything they can (going without a lot, working 3 jobs, etc.)to pay for some experimental treatment in hopes of a miracle...then that child could listen to some music or an audio book instead of just laying there looking up at ceiling tiles wondering when the pain is going to stop. How cool would that be - How cool would that feel Stanley! Just walk in, maybe ask a nurse who she thinks might really be in need - and then just hand it off to them. I think that would be really cool Stanley - far more cool than sending it off to one of us shmucks. Be my it. Come on - get up and go for a walk. I bet that smile on that kids face will feel like a million bucks!

Mr. Bing,

Send me one of your Ipods because you love my pithy posts. :)
As always Mr. Bing, your blog is a source of constant enjoyment for me.


I'll start a cult and your IPod will be the gospel. Our entire lives will be devoted to the teaching of the songs you have on it. Milli Vanilli will become Gods once again!

I've been contemplating picking up an iPod. You see, I have a little bike ride coming up in October. It's the Juvenile Diabetes Research Foundation ride for a cure in Death Valley. Yep, DEATH Valley California on October 20th. I have no MP3 player & thought having some tunes on the 105 mile ride would help the miles pass quicker. I ride for my diabetic 14 year old Daughter. She was diagnosed a decade ago. Yep, at the age of 4 we were poking her with needles. Anyway, I took a 44 mile training ride Sunday & the time would have passed better with some music in my ears.
I have links to my training schedule, pictures from my ride 2 years ago (where I passed out from dehydration at mile 95) and the ride donation site if requested.

I am just a greedy SOB and want free stuff. So give it to me.


First off, bless you for having written "What Would Machiavelli Do?" A former boss of mine clearly had a draft copy several years prior to its official release, and I was much more able to understand her after having read it.

Second, bless you for having written "Throwing The Elephant". I was much more qualified for dealing with my above-mentioned boss after reading it, and in fact, may have been promoted as a direct result thereof.

Third, bless you for having written "100 Bulls**t Jobs … and How to Get Them" for steering me into my now borderline idyllic BS job.

Now that I've hopefully met your supplication requirements, let's get down to business...

I feel I deserve one of your old ipods because mine died on me 25 days after the warranty expiration, and I no longer have something to listen to while pretending to pay attention on conference calls.

Plus, I did some serious sucking up in the first three paragraphs.

Not to mention that I just came back from a multiple-martini business lunch and am typing this on a work computer and my boss will see it on his monthly report (if he's not reading this right now - Hi John!) and as such I will need something to listen to while waiting in the unemployment line...

Please oh please oh please let me have your ipod!!!


Please send your IPod to me,
I have no escape you see,
Work, Wife and Child, my days are quite Wild,
I need an outlet, poo-ee!

Please and thank you - my kids would love to have one - they know how to share.

IPOD, whats that???
Being a baby boomer I am still getting used to this dang technology!!! Never had one, send me yours!!!
More info read about me in Money Mag Oct issue.
Scott Berkowitz

I don't have an i-pod currently, nor can I think of a compelling reason why I would really want one - but how about personal space is evidently less cluttered than yours and your i-pod may need the space. I guess if I thought about it, I could even make sure it was dust-free for a time.

Lately I've been having a rather serious problem... a sadness that's slowly spiraling into depression. It's taken me quite sometime to understand what is wrong. After multiple therapy sessions and an endless supply of Zoloft and Prozac, I had a brekthrough moment when I read your blog- I do not own a single Apple item. I feel left out and alone. I want to be a part of the Apple "Cumbyah, my Jobs, Cumbyah,
oh Steve, Cumbyah" family. Lawd have mercy- please save my soul and give it a purpose by giving me an iPOD. I want to be part of the collective, I need to be part of something other than Windows to no where. Since I have spent so much money on therapy and mood altering drugs, I can not afford to buy. So please, Bing- save me, pull me from my depression and me be a part of something meaningful. make my life complete. Thank you, my future Apple brother.

Bucking the airplane theft trend....
This is how I lost my ipod. I had an interesting discussion with my friend from Denmark last night as well. His was stolen on an airplane as well, which brings up the question, "How many others have had their ipods stollen on a plane." Same senario as mine, I fell a sleep listening to my ipod. When I woke up, my ipod had magically disappeared. Headphones still in my ears, but no ipod. This was the old mini ipod. To make a long story short, this spurred another conversation about the quality of ipods. The older ones were simply built better. I am still "ipodless" however he has since purchase other models, only to be disappointed with the flux of mechanical/programing issues. So why do I want your ipod??? Becuase although it is old, it works..probably better than the current ones.

Mr. Bing- This is left-out Michael, again. You did not ask for it, but my email is

Please do not post it, I might get more offers for drugs that I am just too weak to resist. Unless, my life is made whole by you and the pretty iPOD. Thank you, brother.

I was bored at work and saw this link. Free Ipod my behind! I don't believe you. Anway for the first time I am the first to comment on a "blog" whatever that is. Don't you have anything better to do?

well, i think your ipod would go nicely with my rotary phone. I like old things. LOL

Which gets me to thinking, is there a collective noun for such iPods that are languishing in desk drawers. My suggestion would be, with every pun intended, a "Job Lot" of iPods. Do I win?

I think you should send me your old iPod since at 41 I am just starting to catch up with the technology thats out there and I wouldn't know the difference between the old version and the new ones anyway

I should get it because I was the first one to comment :)

I am pretty sure that I am the only one of all 70 million people that make up Generation Y who has never owned an iPod in his entire life. What is worse is I have worked at a pretty large record label in LA, recorded CDs and now I am gaining an outrageous amount of weight because everyone else in the world is exercising with their iPods except me.

Post a reason for the iPod... Ok, here's my take and it's all true, sadly. My wife is pregnant (mine, I assume) when she rolls over at night it reminds of the Poseiden Adventure complete with hull plate popping and rivets breaking free. My first child doesn't sleep through the night therefore I don't sleep through the night. My front yard has a very large hole in it from ripping out the jungle landscaping untamed by the previous homeowners (bought it in winter, covered by snow). But I can't address the really big hole because I'm spending my evenings helping my cheapskate brother build a house. His builder is behind schedule and that compacts my brother's time frame to complete the work he took on to "save" money. Did I mention the $800 I spent last month for the dog that tore a ligament in his rear leg? Did I mention the garbage bag covering my fireplace chimney because it leaks water and I don't have time to put a real cover on it (see cheapskate brother above)? Did I mention the house is two stories and I have to use a rope to haul a second ladder up to get to the chimney? Or that I've already sunk $2600 into the lousy chimney? Or that I just cleared 158,400 miles on my vehicle that I don't want to trade in because I know my daycare costs are going to double (see pregnancy above)? Or that last month I finally got a desk of my own after being at my employer for 11 months? Or would you rather hear about the 29" snake I caught in the basement of my last house (the wife was not happy)? That is a more interesting story since it contains implements of destruction.

Because I stole Scott's and sold it in an online auction. Now I wish I had kept it.

My best reason: why should you have six when I only have one?

Because I just recently had mine stolen, and being that i am a student, i am not about to shell out money for a new one. The walks to class in the Minnesota winter will be that much warmer with a classic iPod.

I would like the iPod because I have bought 3 as gifts but have never owned one of my own. I retired from the US Navy several years ago and could use the relaxation I'm sure it would provide me. Thanks!!!

If I win, I pledge to pass it along to someone in greater need. I like to call it: Drip-down iConomics.

My middle daughter is multiply handicapped, and so we have had a heck of a time finding anything that would let her listen to music or video that would stand up to her tending to drop things when she's being lifted in and out of the car, or when she accidentally brushes something off a counter. At least if we didn't pay for it, we wouldn't be as likely to be depressed if it croaked. Besides, I've heard good things about older iPods when it comes to longevity.

Thanks for your consideration.

I would like to be considered for that iPOD. I would only use it to walk my dog, Suji. She's a lovable mutt we picked at the pound. When we got her, her name was "Fatboy" because she ate so much crap off the streets they couldn't tell she was a girl. She loves everyone & will lick any bit of skin in reach. She also loves to jump on people when they're sitting on the couch & all the male family members and friends have learned to cover their balls when seeing her coming.

I have a walkman right now. That's how out-of-touch I am. Not that I have a problem with new technology; I only have a problem with paying for it.


You are my hero. I have checked ebay daily hoping to score one of your old iPods as owning one the iPods formerly owned by you is number 43 on my list of 100 things (that I set up when I turned 40) to do before I die. Wow, if you to actually give it to me, I would save enough to do number 42, take my wife out to dinner somewhere nicer than Chuck-E-Cheese. Thank you so much. I so look forward to having your iPod (and telling everyone I have it and it was given to me by you) and probably listening to out while I'm out to dinner with my wife ... (Don't tell her that I'll be listening to it as she always thinks I'm listening to her but those earbuds are so small, she'll never know.)

This is my comment, now send me an iPod.


I NEED your i-pod. Last Christmas my 9 year old nephew got a new i-pod and I felt like the "old out of touch with technology" guy (although I'm only 29) who had no idea how to use one.

By the way, I still have very limited knowledge on how to use one but would love to get in touch with the tech world.

I need an iPod to fill space on my desk, so my co-workers will stop asking me why I don't have one. I don't even need the battery.

I'm almost 64 years old and I've never seen an iPod (at least I didn't know it was an iPod if I did see one). Please send me your old iPod so I can see one before I die. I feel just fine right now, but you never know.

I could really use one of those so I can tune out the idiocy here at work. Just every day it's constant whining about this or about that. There are days I have to deal with people who basically can suck the life out of you just by talking toy you. If I had the money I'd buy a new one, but I'm a poor Appalachia boy living in Ohio.

I should get your iPod because you describe it as "old but perfectly functional." Well, so am I. We would make a perfect match. You also say it is an "ancient but still highly efficient relic." Ok, so I'm not highly efficient-so sue me.

My two and a half year old has learned to head bang and give the devil sign and scream "MEEEETALLLL!" It cheeses his mother off to no end, and so he needs to be fully mobile in his offensiveness.

Neighborhood kids haven't stolen mine - I'm too cheap to buy one! But if I could win yours, then I'd make sure that I wasn't overpowered by a 5 year-old.

Bing, I'm desperate. My wife is now five month's pregnant, and the doctors have now informed me that the baby is at a stage where it can listen to and recognize sounds and voices. I'm unemployed, and can't afford to buy my unborn child a new IPOD. I've spoken to the doctors already and they're willing to implant the ipod inside my wife so that the baby can listen to any number of his favorite I-Tunes while in utero. Steve Jobs will be fully behind this publicity. Marketing maniacs have already sworn by branding programs that work "from cradle to grave." Why not BEFORE the cradle? I mean, why should any child in this country be DENIED their God given right to listen to their Metallica while patiently waiting in their mother's uterus to come out? Can you imagine living 9 months without your IPOD? I know what you're thinking: "Can't this wait until the baby is at least delivered safely? Couldn't those I-Buds be a choking hazard too?" You might be right, but I'm willing to take that chance. I don't even want to think about the day when my child comes home from his first day of school with tears streaming down his cheeks, after he finds out that all the other kids in the class did get their I-Tunes in the womb, and he didn't. It would crush his self-esteem, and he'd certainly be bullied from then on. God knows what names they'd call him. Bing, you can't let this happen. I need that IPOD. The only thing this kid's been listening to are bowel movements and the sound of dishes being washed for the past two weeks. If you have a shred of compassion left in that cold, clogged, demented heart of yours, you'll know that what I speak is true.

Stanley, I am your father.

(trying to win for most outrageous)

Hey Bing - I can not believe you are so UN-American - or do you have so much money you can just give away your valuables?
Give me your iPod - and I will sell it on eBay for you - and give you back the profit. If you are still feeling like you need to be a philanthropist - you can give the money to charity. Or better yet - let me take that money and buy something better - resell that on eBay and continue the process until we have enough money to make a real difference in someone's life.
I do this every week - I buy things and resell them on eBay for profit. I am so good at it - I wrote a book - Buy It, Sell It, Make Money. I can not make you a millionaire but I can make you some CASH - which is much better than the iPod you do not use.

Nancy Baughman

The only reason I have to want one is that I cannot budget one for myself. I live frugally so my much-better-half can remain home and care for our 2 children.

Sorry, I don't have anything demented to offer, other than I drive 110 miles, each way, to my job. I don't call it demented, but plenty of others do!

I deserve one because I work for a University trying to do a research project on timber harvesting effects on streams. I've been called a land raper, destroyer of old-growth, and just plain a**hole. I'm just trying to help the rest of the landowners. It has been a rough week.

Bing, Im Canadian. Whats an iPOD? Can I take a look? What does it run on, will I need electricity?

I should win, because I still have and use...wait for it...a walkman. You know, the kind that use cassette tapes.

Don't get me wrong, I do have a CD that was bought by my friends who got sick of seeing my cassette collection (an impressive one I must say), but I enjoyed taking my walkman out for a jog or a skip or what-have-you.

Lately, though, I'm finding it cumbersome and the giggles from passerbyers a tad bit annoying.

Help me come into the 21st Century. I can't go full blast, as I'm just a little lamb wobbling on my new-found legs, so your elderly I-Pod will serve as the perfect tool for my transition.

Just give me the damn thing already!


Hey Mr. Bing,

I just got home – and saw that my wife has commented to you about your free iPod – but what SHE FAILED to mention is that I am the REAL BRAINS behind this operation – and CO-author of the book BUY IT, SELL IT, MAKE MONEY – (available at

Your iPod looks to be the one that is worth about $100.00. – If you give me that iPOD – I GUARENTEE I can make you $500.00 within 3 transactions.

You can then take that $500.00 and buy yourself some DECENT CIGARS or give it to your favorite charity. I KNOW you need the tax deduction with all the money you make.

You can contact me at

How’s that for a DEAL?

give it to Carter..... all that boston baked bean reverb to dial out....

Okay...I wasn't the first to post a comment because these posts are regulated, but I still have dust in my house that would like to gather on your 1st gen iPod. Why should your dust be more privileged?

Because I'm the first one to come to the conclusion that you could actually care less about your old iPod but you get tickled pink reading all of the lame excuses people come up with when something FREE is up for grabs.

That said...I don't really have any use for it either.

I used my iPod mini (a gift from my wife) as a shield on the commuter train against crazies and chatty-cathies. So one day we're at work and my iPod is on my desk where I'd stored it every day for the last year and a half. Our department goes into a meeting, so the whole area is empty. Ninety minutes later I come out back to my desk and my iPod is gone. Keep in mind I don't sit on an end desk. My cube is in the back. You have to purposefully walk back there to get to my desk. Some scumbag purposefully came all the way back to my desk to steal my stuff.
Management of course did nothing. Now freaks and weirdos on the train think I want to be their friend. Thanks, iPod-stealing-scumbag.

I just bought my pregnant wife a new car and it comes with a jack for an ipod... do you know how hard it is to keep a pregnant wife happy?? Much appreciated.

I don't have one and don't need one either, thanks anyway.
C,Montclair 1:59 pm had the best idea, go for the walk Stanley!!!!
But if you can't be bothered and just want to get Beverly to ship it off for you then I think
Jason,Boston MA 3:05 pm should win. His was the funniest and we all could use a little laugh now and then.
Besides, you just don't know who is telling the truth and who is just telling a sad story to win.

I want to tell you all how moved I am by all your excellent submissions. I am now in the process of evaluating them all, even the ones that are rude and slightly objectionable. I don't know how long it's going to take. There is also one small problem in that the person who has taken possession of the old IPod seems reluctant to part with it even though I have promised a brand new one in its place. Interesting, isn't it? Nevertheless, I will decide, in the next few days or so, certainly no later than next Monday, and will inform you all of the lucky winner. Thanks! And those of you who have followed these and not yet logged in your own supplication, what are you waiting for?


Man I need your ipod real bad. I had a lot of stocks in the mortgage companies (u know how they were growing pretty neat), but the recent turmoil has wiped out my financial backbone. I need to rebuild up my empty nest egg fast. Rather than wait and regrow the hard way, I have decided to take the entepreneurial way. You see I know of a gentleman who deals with passing on the financial and HR information of one company to another. You know kind of helping the underdogs and even out the competition. He had pinged me a few times in the past but I didn't pay any attention. But now I have taken up his offer. I will give him some bytes of information and in return he will give me some dollar bills. Ofcourse the bytes will be in gigabytes and the dollars would be in tens of thousands but then again these are relative. Now unfortunately my company doesn't allow outside net access at work (kind of North Korea aint it?) and the CD drive is read-only. So I need a some USB device which can help be transfer these huge amount of data to their rightful place. In this your ipod with its 20 gb of space will be really handy. Please help me achieve my all American dream!

Bing, I should get the iPod because the crazy bosses at my company are starting our first layoffs ever. We are all unsure each day if we will even have our jobs and the environment is depressing. Having the iPod would at least allow me to download songs and podcasts that rant against corporate America and are cathartic for me. Or download happy songs to listen to while I fill out job applications in case I get laid off. Hope REM's "Shiny Happy People" is on iTunes....

Bing - 2 reasons
1. i've already had one stolen and refuse to buy another so I'm forced to use a windows device to listen to music and itunes and windows dont get along.

2. i really just want your music collection.

I'd like to have the I-POD so I can give it to my 5-year old daughter who wants to be just like mommy!


I simply don't have one and would love to have it! Just can't afford it!

Hey, I don't care if you send it to me or not. I would just spend all my time listening to it anyway. And besides that, you don't know me so why should you give a rooty root rat's ass about me? I like your columns whether i get the IPod or not.

Stanley....That empty feeling (today's post) is not about a social network - I promise you that handing your iPod off to a kid in need will fill that empty feeling in your mid-section - I give you my word. Please go for the walk...think about it...some unsuspecting kid laying in a hospital bed...listening to the sounds of "beeping" machines monitoring heart rates and medicinal drips...could drown all of that white noise out by listening to some of your favorite tunes....can you imagine the look on their face when you just walk in...ask them how they are doing and then hand them the iPod "Here kid..." OH MY! Imagine the parent that's been sitting on that bedside for 3 days...with no more than 45 minute naps at a time...worried about getting to work to pay for all this....and you walk up and give their kid a free iPod...just because. You’re a silent recognition...just a silent selfless act of kindness...WOW. I'm not even a democrat Stanley...these things have just been on my mind lately.

Bing, Great idea about giving away your older but still functioning iPod. I'm sure a good case can be made for many who deserve to enjoy it's "20 gig-ness", but how about brave little Youssif, the Iraqi boy who's been undergoing facial surgery here in the U.S.? I'll bet listening to his favorite tunes, or, to music that other kids his age really like, would help cheer him up during is multiple recovery periods. Sorry I don't know the people close to him, but I'll bet a socially connected guy like you could make this happen, and I'm sure that his parents and the medical people around them would be very appreciative. But mostly this would be about bringing some fun into a couragous victim's life, and giving him another, gentle reminder that most of the world is kind and generous.

Working at a hot, so in fashion,greedy, nice private equity firm in an emerging market, and my last ipod purchase was the 1st gen shuffle, when I was student probably with a better life, whatever that means, basically cause private capital is unknow in this market, full of tacos and tortillas

Mr. Bing,

I looked thru one of the biggest responses you've gotten on this blog (right up there with grammar peeves) and noticed that the single most recurring reason given was that the responder was "first" to respond. That said, I'd like you to note who actually WAS first to respond if that makes any difference.

Mark in Chicago does make a compelling argument though.

Mr. Bing
I want to sell it on E-Bay and donate the money to The Vicory Junction Gang Camp

Dear Mr. Bing,

I am enrolling my mother in an assisted care facility out of necessity. My current residence has stairs which are almost impossible for her to navigate without great pain and difficulty at here age (87).

Anyway, enough for the violines. I think she would enjoy one of your old ipods. She likes music - can listen to it for hours. And since she is hard of hearing the only way is with earphones/buds. One of here favorite contemporary groups is the Greatful Dead, I kid you not. Maybe she sees Jerry, hA ha.

Anyway I think it would be very useful to her, a great ice breaker for her new residence and she really enjoys getting things in the mail.

Thanks for your time. I really enjoy reading your column.