Crazy Bosses

Can this boss be saved?

Depressed Woman

A reader from Michigan writes…

Well, let's begin with my Boss. She used to be this very Energetic Woman who loved life. A Very Caring, Loving, Hard Working Woman. Then… Boom!!!!! Her whole life, as she knew it was taken from her! You see, she had been married to this legend of a man who was swept away from her in one zap of a second in a horrible car accident. Well, it was so overwhelming to her, she never let herself really grieve. For the first year after the death, she drank. Didn't become a drunk, just drank her thoughts away. The second year, she ran. Ran all over the Country. Maine. Connecticut, Florida, Cancun. She met all kinds of interesting people. She had many choices but was inclined to stay put in her safe little haven that she made for herself. Let me tell you this: She has lost her zest in life, she has become this non-existent person who contributes NOTHING to this World! She's become listless, maybe even a little lazy, although that she wouldn't like to hear that. I believe if someone would give her an assignment, some work (she loves to work), that she couldn't refuse and it would bring her back to life.

Now Stanleybing, I want you to know that I got up immediately after reading your article in Fortune Magazine, (I was Basking in the sun, at my Pool), I got up and I sat down and wrote to you. Now write back to me.

P.S. This is a True Story. The woman I am talking about… is ME!!

8 Comments Add Comment

I too, lost someone suddenly nine years ago and felt like everything was ripped away from me. You did not mention how long your love of your life has been gone. You only stated about the first two years. Hang in there, we all grive in different ways. But I do agree that you are depressed, for I was as well after my loss and for many years after.

I compell you to find yourself again and be thankful for the little things in life that can/do still make you smile and laugh!

As you know life is too short and it can be taken away in any second.

Take Care and be well.

This is clinical depression. Get professional help.

Yes, Maxxine, you are right. I do have hope for the woman, however, beyond the professional help, in that she recognizes her problem. A lot of clinically depressed people don't. They just blame others. I like the insight, humor and strength here, too.

I'm sorry to hear about your husband. I can't imagine the loss.

But he was taken from this life, not you. I imagine his hope for you would be for you to continue on living your life with the same zest that I suspect was a significant factor in falling in love with you.

Stop living like you're dead, and live.

I kissed my husband goodbye that morning never dreaming that by that evening I would have that state police on my doorstep, telling me his plane had crashed. I spent the better part of three years taking anti-depressants. During that time, I learned that you can't run and hide and you can't fill the emptiness inside until you learn to face and accept the loss. It is not an easy thing to do and there were times that I backpedaled....but then I realized that if I didn't move forward with my life, I wouldn't be able to heal. The plans we made would be forever unfulfilled but I could do something similar in his memory, so I moved forward and began to do the things he would have wanted me to. While I am not the same joyously happy person, I have found things that inspire me to keep on living....bringing a smile to a friends face, helping my daughter through school and develop self confidence, raising my bowling average....little things that are what life is really all about.

She needs love and support-also to feel she is not alone. Just tell her honestly how you feel-affectionate if I am not mistken-and offer to help.

The person you described is not a bad boss, and not a bad person, just a fallible human being. Give yourself some credit: you are grieving and possibly clinically depressed, but you now are coping and can be objective enough about your situation to analyze what has gone wrong and write a compelling narrative about it. You are obviously dissatisfied about something -- is it the position that does not saisfy you, or is it you who do not satisfy the requirements of the job? -- and you are wondering what it will take to make you feel right about yourself and your career. For now, at least, make this your Quest, to find out what makes you feel alive, engaged, fulfilled. Your life is too precious (to your coworkers, your family and yourself) to be squandering it pointlessly. Make finding what feels right the focus in your life, and when you find out what it is, do that.
Even if you never find exactly what you are looking for, even if nothing works precisely as you wish, it is by extending yourself that you will find both healing and a sense of purpose.
One practical suggestion: go out and do volunteer work for a cause you believe in.

Im sorry lady-

The fact that you tell this story as if it were another crazy boss and it just ends up being you, bespeaks the fact that you are the crazy boss...

im sorry about your loss... but we all lose and the more prepared you are for the loss the better you are... did you marry your husband in uetero?? probably not...

that being said there was a time you "got it" now you dont. your unprepared. There aint no such thing a free lunch and seems like you were eating alot of freebe's there.

im not trying to be harsh, but this is the Bing Blog and Zingers can come from any-direction. If you are true managment material you can drop all your hopes & close ties into a H-bomb as long as you come up smelling like roses..

Cause as the old addage goes "you gotta love yourself before you can love others" and you only live in your skin... help yourself and youll see that the same box youve been living in has never changed (only your view)

and to be even more cynical and bastardly i think its quite egotistical that you can talk of yourself in the third person in such analytical fashion (you drank but, not in a alcoholic fashion but just to "drink the thoughts away")...come on now... if your a real CEO material youd be drinking cause "goddamnit you just went thru some shi* and your gonna get drunker than a drwoned seal"

long story short... be honest with yourself.. thats your problem...the sooner you realize that this world is full of land-mines the less youll focus on microanalyzing stuff (let the employess do that stuff) its just real embarassing that you pleaded Bing to basically give you thereputical advice (are you serious??) thats why im doing it for you...